Walking home

I really need to talk with her. I keep stepping on the vein that keeps my lifeline flowing through. I wanna be your perfect stick of glue but I don’t feel perfect at all, a sad and insecure flaw. I find it hard to hold conversation, I get sweaty sick and I wanna walk away. Its not you its strictly me in this situation.

I’m wondering will it ever go away? Sometimes I feel like weeping, awake and when I’m sleeping. Perfected how to put a game face on. This puzzle I’ve been keeping has been in hiding creeping out the closet door, spilling out onto the floor. No longer will I be picking up my heart. I’ll be as honest as I feel, I’m getting more paranoid and I’m hearing things and they never turn out real. It feels like my heart is made of pure steel. It’s just so heavy all the time, my mind helping any of this along. I’m scared of death and I’m scared of living. I gave up on the past cause it’s unforgiving, I misplaced my trust. I watched my word begin to rust. Still I regret none of any of this in another space and time.

Maybe my life time friend got it right, I have become boring and I should just fade away. Fade into the backgrounds of everyone elses eventful lives. Become something we just don't talk about.

It was so much fun walking home in the rain, now get off my back or just tell me what you want from me. Love me for what I have become and if you find me boring then come walk with me in the rain.